WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?

Some people think that self-esteem means confidence – and of course confidence comes into it – but it’s rather more than that.

The fact is that there are any number of apparently confident people who can do marvelous things but who have poor self-esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors and comedians and singers in particular can seem to glow with assurance ‘on stage’, and yet off-stage many of them feel desperately insecure.

Indeed, individuals can be stunningly attractive and world-famous, and seem poised and perfect – yet still, deep down, find it hard to value themselves. Think of the late Princess of Wales and Marilyn Monroe and you’ll accept, I think, that public adulation is no guarantee of self-belief.

So, if self-esteem isn’t quite the same thing as confidence, what is it?

Well, the word ‘esteem’ comes from a Latin word which means ‘to estimate’. So, self-esteem is how you estimate yourself.

To do that you need to ask yourself certain questions:
Do I like myself?
Do I think I’m a good human being?
Am I someone deserving of love?
Do I deserve happiness?
Do I really feel – both in my mind and deep in my guts – that I’m an OK person?
People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If you

WHERE DOES OUR SELF-ESTEEM COME FROM?

Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self-esteem.
When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contributed to the creation of our basic self-esteem.

An adult who has healthy self-esteem was given this gift in childhood. This could have been done in many ways. Probably one of the most important is being praised for accomplishments. Children who are talked to respectfully and listened to also contributed to healthy self-esteem in adulthood. These children were hugged often and given attention and experienced some type of success in school or sporting activities.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have to identify the childhood for those adults who have poor self-esteem. These children were often criticized harshly, were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by those they were closest to. They were ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives. They were made to feel they had to be perfect in order to be valued and associated failure in situations as a failure of their whole selves.

It

DO I HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

While you might already have a good indication that you are suffering from low self-esteem, it might be a good idea to explore this a little further.

Take this simple quiz.

Self-Esteem Assessment
Directions: Answer T if the statement is true for you. Answer F if the statement is false for you.

Next Page »